When I entered my forties, I had no idea perimenopause even existed. Honestly, I thought menopause was just some hot flushes and then, eventually, osteoporosis – two big, inconvenient milestones. It wasn’t until I started not being able to find words, finish a sentence and was so tired – and started talking about it all during long lockdown walks with Lisa – that I realised there was so much more to this stage of life.
Perimenopause is a complex, layered experience that many women go through, with different intensities, and often with little warning or understanding. But, no matter what the symptoms, there’s a bigger story at play that I would like to tell my 40-year-old self.
The whole ‘your kids grow up fast’, it’s true. But for Kate, the woman and the individual, not the mother, I would say, “stop forcing yourself to fit into a mould. Be you. It’s OK that you say and do things others may judge as being outside of conformity. You don’t have to fit into the picket fence life.”
For years, I believed the myth that midlife was the end of the road. That it was a time to give up, get old and live it out, rather than living it. But what I know now, in my midlife ‘wisdom’, is that (aside from not being that wise) life is here to be lived and loved. It’s OK to be you – flaws, quirks, the whole Kate shebang.
The idea you’re supposed to fade into the background or wait for the next chapter to start is simply not true. This time is a beautiful, vibrant stage where you get to rewrite your story, embrace your passions, and celebrate yourself anew.
People will judge. Sometimes, it’s relentless, and it can impact how we see ourselves. But here’s the truth I hold onto; “You are you and you are OK. You don’t need everyone’s approval or validation. Instead, focus on your own happiness and authenticity and those who love you for it.”
The more comfortable I’ve become with who I am, the less I care about what others think, and it’s hard but a great creative I used to work with once talked to me about what makes great ads and said, ‘You want an emotional response for people to engage with and remember your message. If they don’t you are just wallpaper.’
If there’s one thing I’ve discovered in midlife, it’s my superpower: strength. Physical strength – thank you, Pilates – has transformed how I feel inside and out. It’s given me resilience, confidence, and a sense of accomplishment. And my wicked sense of humour? That’s my secret weapon. Laughter truly is medicine, and I’ve learned not to take myself too seriously. Midlife has taught me that humour and strength are powerful allies.
And my guiding thought? Who said this is midlife? Because honestly, I believe midlife is whatever you make it. It’s a mindset, a chance to reinvent, to explore, to love and to live fully. It’s about redefining what this stage of life looks like – not through society’s lens, but through your own. So, to anyone navigating midlife, say ‘bugger off’ to the label. And, it’s more than okay to just be you.
