Imposter syndrome is that gnawing feeling that no matter what I achieve, I don’t quite measure up. For me it’s a sense that I’m doing a very average job in fooling others into thinking I’m more competent than I am. This sensation has been a persistent companion, influencing my experience in the workplace, family and friendships.
I know I’m not alone in feeling this, more so in a world full of the whip smart 20 somethings flooding the workplace, and perfect family life and parenthood on everyone’s socials. Just talking to my circle of friends the feeling that we are faking it, and nobody else has worked it out yet is endemic for women over 40. Dealing with symptoms of perimenopause such as brain fog, exhaustion and the mortification of sitting in a meeting unable to find that one word you lost halfway through a sentence only feeds the imposter syndrome beast.
For me the feeling like I am a fraud, or faking it til I make it, is strongest not in the workplace. The workplace is more a confidence thing and pushing myself to keep learning. The place Imposter Syndrome most prevalent for me is actually as a parent. How on earth can I, with a very imperfect life, role model to my children? Even having ‘parent’ conversations with the school I feel awkward and like they are surely looking at me wondering how my children have survived. As a mother of a 17 year old girl I am navigating her challenges, hormones and difficulties in entering adulthood, just at exactly the same time as I am experiencing the same things (yes even adulthood, do we ever really get there?). I find myself struggling to be an exemplar for her when most of the time I am totally lost in the same quagmire.
The pressure to constantly prove our worth is exhausting and counterproductive. It is true that there is a lot of work and awareness needed to help workplaces understand and support women as they experience the stress of work, family and the one of the most hormonally challenging periods of their lives. What have I done to help myself through this time?
Imposter syndrome may never completely vanish, but if you find yourself grappling with similar feelings, I encourage you to build a network of encouragement, practice self-compassion, and embrace your unique experience. Remember, you are valuable just as you are, and your worth isn’t defined by doubts or comparisons. And as my daughter says to me, just remember this is everyone’s first go at life (that we remember anyway).
